i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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