when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
