hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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