Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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