my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
