Umm I'm too high to move.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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