I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
