Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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