those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
