you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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