I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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