so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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