Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
