it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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