i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
