I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
did i just pee glitter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
