i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
