i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
