First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
