either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
