i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
