Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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