Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
