All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
