i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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