i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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