Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
