I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
where are you?
Hypothermia
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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