My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
