I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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