I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
