the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
