I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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