ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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