good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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