Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
