Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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