I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
