Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
