Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
