i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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