Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
