my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
