My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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