i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
