At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just google imaged poop.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
