hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
