i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
