Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
