Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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