I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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