so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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