foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
