You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
