I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
