I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
