yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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