why didn't you poke me back
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
