so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
