dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
