im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
