I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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