mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
