I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
