you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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