If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
