Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
