just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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