I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
