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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
