My liver just broke up with me...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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