I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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