the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
